Manifesto

Campus CV

SASSU Canoe Committee
Victoria League Essay Winner 1998
Sports Braid 1999
Sold Rag Magazine 2002-2003
Dummies 2004-5

On my bi-annual visit to the library, I felt that feeling for the first time, not love for a young first year lady, nor the urge to study, but guilt, I have taken for so long and never given back. Now it is my chance to make a difference and contribute. After a brief moment of reflection, I slapped myself and went a bought a chicken burger, thankfully the feeling passed, and my life continued as normal.

Over the next few weeks, the feeling would return to haunt me more and more often. At first I used vodka to ignore it and later was forced to use mescaline to dull the pan of my hollow existence, but then the pterodactyls became to menacing.

The emptiness inside me was becoming too much until one Sunday morning while talking to my toilet I became enlightened, it came to me like pure truth. I knew what I had to do. It was then that I decided to run the good race, defend the weak against the combined tyranny of the traffic services and the library staff who won't share their staplers. I would fight to keep the library open on Sundays during exams, take arms if necessary. But most of all I would provide a transparent effective link between students and the varsity authorities, and promote their true wants at an executive level.

"Because I feel like you on Saturday morning, I'll open the library on Sundays during EXAMS. Providing staplers when you need them, where you need them.

I CARE"

Fan Club ...

If they'll Vote for Button why won't You?

Q & A Session with Cornelius "Baksteen" Villiers

Occupation: Traffic Management Officer, UCT
Life Goal: Be the first to TMO to rack up over R500 000 in student fines in one semester

Andrew Button:
Thanks for taking time out of your schedule to be with Cornelius. Can I call you Bakkies?

CBV: (Blank Stare)

AB: Right, moving swiftly along then. I'd just like to discuss the logic behind charging every student almost half a grand a year for the honour, nay, the privilege, of parking on UCT property, and the fining them the same amount when they park illegally.

CBV: (vague grunting noises)

AB: So what you're tying to say is that students have a responsibility to behave sensibly and act within the ambitof the law? What do you say to critics of the system who hold that they cannot reasonably be expected to find parking when over 9 permits are issued per parking space on campus?

CBV: (silence, except for the drool hitting the floor)

AB: That's right, I'm asking the hard questions.

CBV: I am afraid that, in line with the current UCT SRC policy, we are bound to supply permits the extent that ...

AB: Fantastic. Well, that is all we have time for this afternoon. Thank you for your participation sir. Good luck, and godspeed.

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are intended to be humourous. They do not necessarily reflect the views of Andrew Button, or the publishers of this website. In fact, if you are one of the unfortunate souls who regularly cannot find parking - let's face it, you've probably been dealt a bad hand in life, and nothing from this point out is going to be easy for you.